Jay's Not Gay, You Guys 8

"How are you feeling?" Dillon asks once we're strapped in his car. It's a Jeep. His tall car was a Jeep the whole time. I never would have pictured him in a Jeep. Is Dillon more outdoorsy than his style would have him appear? Jesus.

"Better," I answer honestly. "I mean, I still feel loopy, but better. My head hurts."

"Good," he says.

I watch him drive in silence. This feels like we're back to normal. Normal was short for our weird little buddy-ship, but I enjoyed it while it was there. I am glad that Dillon didn't give up on me. It sucks that I had to get a concussion to figure that out, but maybe, "I got mad because I thought you had just been messing with me this whole time, like your deal was turning straight guys and laughing about it." The words just come out. This is worse than when we were drunk and he called me a dumb shit, because we were at least on the same level of functionality or whatever. Now I can't think straight, and Dillon's all level-headed and chill.

Jay's Not Gay, You Guys 7

 I got a harebrained idea that I'm going to get two stories finished and out into the world before the end of the year. This one is flowing a little more naturally at the moment (and your feedback helps a lot, Cameron). Retrospectively, it's funny that I thought it would be a quick, flashy installment. The current draft is pushing 24,000 words.

There will be some continuity errors if you hold the Watching Him Back epilogue I posted as canon, but…we sally forth knowing that nobody will care all that much.

“Are you kidding me?” I ask Professor Valero, and he actually chuckles. “I’m passing? For real?”

He leans back against his desk. “Not only that, but I just finished grading the last test. You earned yourself a B.”

I must be grinning like an idiot. “Seriously?”

“Indeed.”

This is the first time I’ve ever left a meeting with a teacher feeling good about myself. I never had to worry about it before because I’m a fucking great cornerback when my ACL isn’t fucked. Okay, also it was easier to cheat in high school. Here, people get really mad if you fuck off during a group project. But, like, it’s feels fucking amazing to have tried and gotten a real result. I got a B on a Stat test! I gotta celebrate.

Who can I tell first?

Jay's Not Gay You Guys 6

“I am too fucking dumb for this,” I groan.

Dillon puts his pen down. “Have you ever been tested for ADHD?”

“Nah, my mom wouldn’t let me because she said that Ritalin makes you bipolar.”

Dillon is silent.

“Yeah, she has some theories,” I explain sheepishly. “Everything I learn in college makes it harder to go home. And my mom isn’t dumb! It’s just…whatever.”

Ugh, Dillon looks so goddam sympathetic. “I don’t really think you’re stupid, Jay. I think nobody taught you how to learn in a system that isn’t built for you. Wait, why are you standing up?”

I hadn’t realized I was out of my seat. I sit. “What?”

“No, I was just saying that you probably learn differently.”

“Like a disability?”

Jay's Not Gay You Guys 5

I manage to not bring it up when Dillon finally sets up a tutoring session. Well, kind of. He said I wasn’t his bro, which feels bad. The same chatbot that suggested I apologize with specifics also said I should ask Dillon follow up questions about shit he’s already brought up. It steered me right the last time, so after a full hour of being a loyal study dog I try out one of the friendship-building tactics.

“You and Viera are still friends, huh? Is that weird in the, you know, queer community here?”

Dillon looks at me like I grew a second head. “Cris is the only other one who didn’t know. And was also getting cheated on.”

“Yeah, you said. No, I just mean, like…who do you, like, date? If you’re mad at everyone.” I’m showing compassion and an interest in his life. Good job, me.

Chugging Along

 Based on the zero feedback I get from posting into this void, I'm guessing that the recent offerings are being received in the same spirit as I most them. Which is to say we're* all shrugging at each other. Here's where I'm struggling with getting these stories released from my brain:

• Personal Assistant: if the Graham catches his dad and Ken together, what motivation would he have to be with Ken afterwards? I can't quite get there.
• Will: technically, the end of this story is Olive Juice. So I'm not sure where to stop with these two. This is a constant thorn in my side. 
• Jay's Not Gay, You Guys: is such a slow burn. If we take each sexual encounter that Jay has as a chapter break, then I have three more before we're done. I'm also preparing myself to get absolutely reamed over the way I write about having a concussion (which is based entirely on my experience), and about what happens after.
• You're Lucky I'm Drunk: Even though it makes sense story-wise to have these lovebirds declare their feelings for each other when they're apart, I'm unsatisfied. So I'm toying around with a 4th part instead leaving off after the FaceTime sex of part 3.  Maybe I also need to give the public a break from reading about sweet gay dads, given how saccharine the last pair I wrote turned out.

Look here.* Listen. Writing for erotic story sites requires a different approach than even self-published fiction. If you're reading an ebook then for everything to end after the main character climaxes is strange. There's no resolution. But with sites like Gay Demon, the whole point is getting off. The climax is the climax, and any denouement is short and punchy. "Let's do this again sometime." "And I knew I would never look at olive oil the same way." "It was going to be a long night." A sentence or two and then it's done so that the reader can clean up any mess they made. 

As I try to push all these stories onto God's green internet, some of my indecision lies in which style of story to take each tale. To be honest, I'm not very good at aiming for Erotic Fiction Site Release; the torture of Stay Away From Her and the non-reaction to Mob Men being recent examples. This is a self-imposed problem and could be easily remedied by changing up my writing process. Less letting the story flow as it comes to me, more figuring out synonyms for dick and getting those on the page; that sort of thing. So here's to churning some shit out, bot friends!

*the AI chatbots scraping the web for fresh IP to steal

Jay's Not Gay You Guys 4

I did a word count check on this Watching Him Back epilogue, and it's long. Long in a way that makes me question whether it's worth it. I get to write about another dumbass, though, so at least I'm having fun. Right guys? Right?

Right?

Here's more of this: