Please Teach My Husband: The Series

Stop the presses.

Getting old stuff out of my brain worked. I have had…wait for it…an original idea. With several of my stories getting longer and more complicated, I wanted to be able to write something punchy, quick, and exploratory without any big feelings to navigate. Hookup culture with a twist.

And so:

On a planet (to be named), an Earthling researcher has been tasked with collecting anecdotes from a holy man. This man's entire role is to satisfy and train the married men of his town when their wives are unavailable or uninterested. The society is egalitarian and suspicious of offworlders with their backwards values. We see this society through the researcher's eyes as he records the holy man's recollection of his visitors/supplicants, focusing on the encounters that would involve play/light kink (in Earth terms).

Already this concept has challenged me. A lot of kink involves some amount of perceived transgression or power dynamics. What changes if a society is completely accepting of sex between all consenting adults? What justification would there be to, I don't know, call someone a cumpig if it isn't stigmatized? When I lived in Japan, common dirty talk was that bottoming will feminize you. "No, don't make me cum with your cock; you're turning me into a girl!" or "I'm going to turn your asshole into a pussy!" Shit like that. If you've ever read stories featuring "gooning," or "mindbreak," you've definitely seen this in Western culture. Would humiliation play remain in an egalitarian society that finds no shame in men having sex? Such are the fun, stupid questions I ask myself while I type.

Thus far, I've outlined:

1. Please Teach My Husband Foreplay (toys)
2. Please Tie My Husband Up (bondage)
3. Please Help My Husband Last Longer (edging)
4. Please Punish My Husband (spanking, light exhibitionism)
5. Please Teach My Husband To Top (ooh, is the researcher going to have to step in?)

With a couple other entries floating around. I like the idea of the researcher struggling to stay professional while he's being told a bunch of sexy stories. Formatting could be a bitch, though. I'm trying to figure out how to let our entry character interject when he needs more details, or doesn't understand a term. 

In conclusion, I'm excited to have something new to think about, and could use suggestions on what other light kink I could include in this series.

Sandalwood Ch. 5

 I did, watching closely as Gary positioned himself above me with incredible balance. He used both hands to pull his plump ass cheeks apart, and lowered himself towards my straining cock.

His sphincter brushed the head, then he clenched so that the tight ring kissed my glans and sent a shock through my pelvis.

"Fuck, Gary."

"Are you sure you're ready?" he asked cheekily.

"You're fucking cruel."

Read the rest at https://books2read.com/u/3L7K50

Sandalwood Ch. 4

This needs a heavy dose of editing before it goes anywhere, but I did at least finish that one other story I mentioned working on before the new year. Use the tags to find previous chapters (from over a decade ago. Shut up about it.) There will be one more chapter before it's totally finished.

Jay's Not Gay, You Guys 16

 This is it. We did it. This is the end of where we follow Jay and Dillon (at least until I figure out if I want to follow through on some vague ideas of a high school reunion for him, Aaron, and Crispin. Don't encourage me). This feels a little disjointed to my eyes, but it's also a literal first draft, so…if it sucks shit then let me know, I guess. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals.

Jay's Not Gay, You Guys 15

 He pulls back a little. "You can't stay the whole night," Dillon protests. It's not even twelve o’clock.

"Gimme an hour," I insist. "I’ll have you in bed by two." I’ll fucking have him in bed in ten.

Dillon looks unsure, so I put both hands on his face and smush. "Or just tell me what big-ass secret you've been keeping."

He steps back and pulled his phone from his pocket, texting quickly. I’m already starting to breathe a little heavy. Like, this wasn’t the plan, not at all, but fuck me if I don’t take this opportunity, right? If Dillon’s willing…Holy shit. Are we seriously going to fuck again? Like for real? Holy fucking shit. I’m so excited.

Jay's Not Gay, You Guys 12

It’s almost the end of the month when I give in and find fucking Crispin Viera in the student union.

“I need to ask you something real quick.”

He folds his arms, cocks his hip out all queeny. “I’m not going with you to a second location.”

Jay's Not Gay, You Guys 9

Now that the first part is on Literotica I've found all the typos…my truth is that I 'll never, ever fix them because I would have to resubmit the entire story. You can't just edit a sentence or two on that website. So, I correct them in my original document and nowhere else. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks that's kind of funny? So the process is edit, publish here, edit, publish to a site, and then edit and…think about an ebook but probably do nothing.

Side note: I have neither the time nor the interest to figure out why sometimes these posts have different fonts. G'bless for sticking with me, you three.

If you've really enjoyed Concussion Jay, here's one last installment before his recovery. His should-have-been-short story is so, so close to being all the way out of my head and someone else's problem, to the point that I'll be posting here more frequently. This was hard to write, because I kept having to go back and replace my go-to synonyms with more simple, repetitive vocabulary. No metaphors; this dumb dumb doesn't talk like that! Stop making him so self-aware; he isn't there yet! Anyway, here's the sexy bit.

Jay's Not Gay, You Guys 2

"Are you going the foam party on Friday?" I ask casually in lab.

Dillon shakes his head, and then sighs. "Yeah, actually." I knew this, but it makes it way easier knowing that he doesn't want to go. We work in silence for a little bit, until he does what I want and asks, "You?"

"Naw, man," I say. "My friend Carter's pledging Sig Ep, and they're all having a Fortnite tournament. It’s supposed to be a fundraiser."

Dillon seems to perk up at that, but he doesn't say anything.

"You wanna come?" I can feel him analyzing me, but my face is all up in the microscope. "Okay, I found the water flea."

Dillon passes me a dropper of alcohol and replies, "I could make it."

Jay's Not Gay, You Guys 1

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Personal Assistant.4

Living up to the title of this blog, I tell you what. This thing almost has a trajectory.

My boss still touched me too much. We were working a lot—I had notes and files and emails to prove that my presence wasn’t completely unnecessary—but he’d massage my shoulders or the back of my neck while he looked over my notes. Even at dinner, when his wife and two children were there, Mr. Baker would touch my foot with his or rest his hand on my thigh under the table. His hand went to the small of my back whenever he passed behind me in the kitchen.

It wasn't as though we went entirely unnoticed. "Ken just follows you around everywhere," I overheard Regina tell Mr. Baker when they were relaxing in the living room. She sounded amused. "He's like a puppy."

Personal Assistant.3

 Still not exactly sure where this is going, but here's more one it.

"We're heading to the lake next weekend," Stuart told me not long after, "my family and I. I want you to come along."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea," I replied honestly, giving a quick smile to my coworkers passing the open door.

He clapped me on the shoulder, but as usual let it rest a little too long. “It’ll be a working trip,” he offered. “You’ll get time and a half.”

I marked myself as out of office. After all, what could he do with four children and a wife running amok?

***

Like a family in a black-and-white film, the Baker clan waited for us on the steps of the lake house. Some of the clan, I corrected myself. The children I had met at the chili cookoff weren’t there.

Stuart kissed his wife before turning to me.

"You've met Regina," he said, squeezing her waist, "and this is my oldest boy, Graham. Graham is going to be a junior this year."

Will.5

I'm in the part of this story where I don't really know what a satisfying ending would be. Will's perspective, which in my head cannon is after the events of Declan's story, is already published in "Olive Juice," so we know where they end up. I'm open to suggestions.

If you haven't read the previous parts…that's what the tags are for, baby.

“No offense, but I’m going to be sick.”

My parents were both about to scold me for being snarky when Cassie walked in, probably from show choir or something. “What are you talking about?” she asked.

Mom, Dad, and I almost spoke simultaneously. “Nothing.”

Cassie gave us a funny look, and then got a super annoying smirk. “Is this about Declan’s crush on Will?”

Ha ha! With that I escaped upstairs so that my sister could get the It’s-Unkind-And-Unsafe-To-Out-Someone speech. They even made her come tell me sorry, which was amazing. Cassie was so frickin mad.

One good thing about prom coming up was that no one was looking at me or Will. Surviving the week and prom was the only conversation we had. I tried to invite Will to lunch off-campus, but a group of our friends caught up to us on the way.

Will.4

 "I mean, of course you don't have to," I began, but Will saved me the embarrassment of giving him an out by coming back to me.

He sat next to me and clasped his hands. "What do you want me to do?"

Was it not obvious? I wanted a fricking handjob. But Will, I was realizing, was delicate. Not like me. I needed to be as gentle with him as he’d been with me. "Just touch me," I replied, placing my hand on the back of his head. Will responded softly when I kissed him. He let me draw him to me again, and as I sat back Will's leg slipped over mine. It was like it belonged there. Like his little noises, like his cum drying sticky on my stomach, like his hand on my neck.

Personal Assistant.1

 This is part of the Commencement collection—the secondary character in the prom story shows up here as well. I'm giving myself a C grade on this one, even if there are huge gaps that need to be filled. (Living up to the blog title, here).

If you’re going to be the side piece, don’t meet the family.

I can’t even claim that it started innocently. When the temp agency sent me to Envision IT I was doing data entry and scanning old records into the system. Mr. Baker was his own division, something with marketing or sales. He was very friendly with me and touched me a lot, though being a fairly touchy-feely person myself I didn’t mind. It was never inappropriate, just pats on the back or shoulder, or grabbing my arm to get my attention, or thumping my chest when I said something funny. However, he also flirted with me to an extent that I found embarrassingly obvious.

So when Mr. Call-Me-Stuart Baker and I were alone in the office that night, a mere one month after I had been hired on, I was prepared for his proposition.

Will.3

 Read part 2 here.

Will hadn't quite caught up to me yet. Maybe he thought I was going to try and smother him with a couch pillow. He wiped his eyes with one hand, still laughing a little bit, and looked up at me.

I kissed him.

All these feelings came rushing through me too fast to distinguish one from another, and they formed a tight pulsing ball in the center of my chest. Together they sang at me, "What are you doing?"

The kiss was brief, maybe only a second or two longer than that first one. Will giggled when our lips separated. I couldn't watch him smile and not smile back. How could anyone, the way his eyes crinkled at the corners and that one dimple appeared, just on the right cheek?

“Was that okay?” I asked quietly. “Can I do it again?”

Mob Men is Live

Mob Men is up. It's showing the limits of Literotica's formatting, because I really with there was a better way to show that we're in one of Mario's reveries than

***

That's it. Center aligned asterisks and paste tense. Very unsatisfactory. 

All that being said, I realized as I was selecting chapter breaks that it would have made more sense to publish as one long piece rather than broken into several little chapters. I was too impatient; proud of myself for being able to move one more file into the Published folder. There were enough gaps between chapters of Stay Away From Her/Power Plays to let reader feedback influence some of the story in a way that still felt fun. Mob Men, by contrast, would likely benefit from reading in one burst. By the time anyone* reads this update, I'll probably have submitted the 5th chapter for publication.

Currently I'm writing an epilogue from Alex's perspective, a lil' sumthin' sumthin' to tie things up with a bow. Is it what people want? I won't find out because I'm releasing chapters too fast for anyone to form, an opinion. If I finish and publish that 6th chapter this week then you'll know I was procrastinating getting ready for a long work trip.

*No one. I yammer and yap into the void.

Power Plays: The Todd Perspective 4

WE DID IT. This fuckin' thing is all the way published on God and Al Gore's internet. Around 44,000 words in total of pure nonsense.

Part 8 was clearly published in a hurry; I missed a fair bit of formatting, accidentally changed verb tenses for a couple of paragraphs…if it were easier to edit on Literotica I'd update it, but instead I'll save the polished version for an ebook. Part 9 only needed a bit of refining, thankfully. I wrote it back in 2017 or '18, when the world was young, and it's been fun to see how accurately some readers predicted the trajectory of Jesse, Todd, and Chrisette. Part 10 was mostly new except for the first section. I wanted to get it out when some folks were still reading the previous sections, but I was pretty burnt out on this whole story. Hopefully part 10 makes sense as a culmination of Jesse's character arc.

Were I to pinpoint when Todd falls in love with Jesse, I'd say shortly after he moves in with them. He gets to see the contrast between how Chrisette always talks about Jesse and the man's day-to-day actions and motivations. Chrisette probably did have to parent Jesse while they were dating, to her credit. I imagine him to be the type of guy who never had real curtains and slept on a bare mattress before her. He always tries his best, but he's just so, so dumb.

So here's the last of Todd's perspective.

You're Lucky I'm Drunk: Coop's Corner

I needed a break from the Power Plays/Stay Away from Her mental load, so here's what I've been working on as the follow up to You're Lucky I'm Drunk.  It's told from Cooper's perspective a couple years after the first drunken hookup.

—

It was stupid to get so excited. It wasn't like he was going to want to repeat the experience from last time. We hadn't talked about it since, not on the phone, not when we were texting, not anyhow. A pandemic had put a damper on my sex life, even if it had meant regular Friday night chats with Marshall. Plus, this time he would be here on business, not to mention that I had my kid for the week. I thought about getting a sitter, but that's not an easy thing to explain to a four-year-old. “Daddy’s friend is coming to town and Daddy has a lot of confusing feelings he wants to work out with alcohol and special hugs.”

Not that Marshall and I could do anything with her around, not really. Sierra was more visibly excited than I that Uncle Marshall was going to stay a whole weekend with us. They had only met once in person, but she had decided that Marshall was her “favorite boy,” except of course for me and whichever boyfriend she had that week in preschool. He’d started reading books over video for Sierra if she was with me when he called, and fuck me if that wasn’t the goddam sweetest thing ever.

“Is he going to sleep in my room?” Sierra asked from the backseat.

Power Plays: The Todd Perspective 3

 Listen, y'all. I've written threesomes before. I've even written threesomes in which the reader is supposed to kind hate one of the participants. This one has been a doozy. After a couple of downer chapters I'm pressuring myself to make the November section a barnburner. For the people. Because erotica. Said people have been very opinionated, which made me want to take the parts I'd already written and tweak them. The trajectory it was on didn't connect to the material I had for the aftermath. What could happen during an event, that Jesse was desperate to go well, that would make Chrisette upset? Poor woman. My apologies to womankind stand.

Note to Self: in the future, just make a super long chapter with the sexy stuff as a palate cleanser for the depression, lest the shorter installments be absolutely hammered in the comments.

August

I’m on a job site in Providence, talking to the foreman, when I get a call. He takes a peek at the scene before I silence it.
“How old’s your son?”
“He just turned one,” I say, and because I know Jesse would blow a gasket if I ever claimed Seth as my own, I clarify. “He’s actually my, uh, my girlfriend’s kid, but he’s the absolute best.”

“Cute,” the foreman says. “Mine all hit a switch right around that time. They were all about mom right until around ten, eleven months maybe? And then suddenly my wife was chopped liver and I was the favorite.”
I laugh. “Seth’s probably in that camp. He says ‘Da da da da’ a lot, and you can’t tell me that’s the best a one-year-old could do with my name. Sorry to his dad, who’s a good guy.”

September

“Todd.”

I straighten up from where I’ve been leaning on the shopping cart, letting Seth pull on my hair.

“Sasha. You’re looking well.”

It’s true, she’s as sleek and gorgeous as ever. Her sharp gaze lands on Seth.

“Is this Chrissy’s kid?”

“Da! Da! Da da da da!” Seth babbles. He does love a pretty lady.

“Yeah, this is Seth.”

She nods with a downturned smile that I know means she’s judging me pretty harshly. “Wow.”

“Oh, it gets worse,” I chuckle. It’s a relief to be able to say it out loud. “I live with them. We sleep like the grandparents in Willy Wonka.”

Sasha’s thick red hair cascades behind her when she throws her head back to laugh. “Are you fucking kidding?”

“Nope. I’d love to pretend like you should have regrets, but no. You were right about everything.”

“Including Jesse?”

“Hah. Well. That one’s maybe worse than either of us thought.”

Her eyes go wide. “Oh shit. You like him.”

“Oh, hi!” Seth says, so I don’t have to reply.

Power Plays: The Todd Perspective 2

I'm getting yelled at in the comments of recent installments (not here, obviously. No one reads this) and rightfully so. I apologize to women. I apologize to people with mental health issues, myself included. I apologize to happy throuples and the polyamorous community. I apologize to therapists, mine included. I apologize to the people who wanted to read a little gay porn for a nice fun time and got trapped in a psychodrama.

For this story to work, Todd has to learn and grow. Most folks I know, and Jesse especially, are slow to notice real change in the people around them, especially if their first impression is bad. Since we never leave Jesse's POV, I've been trying to figure out (for years; I cringe to see the publication date for the first Power Plays post) how to make change clear to the reader even if Jesse's can't see it.

In a story where no one is completely honest with themselves, Todd starts out close to Jesse—who does not allow himself much introspection—and lands closer to Chrisette by the end of chapter 6. By chapter 9 Todd will have the self-awareness on par with Sasha. She's my favorite, if it isn't clear from the way I treat her character.

March

Sasha spots Chrissy before I do and waves her to our table.

“How’s our girl?” she asks as Chrissy sits. I signal our server.

“Ya girl is so fucking pregnant.”

We make sympathetic noises. Chrissy looks healthier than ever, if anything, but I don’t know how pregnancy works. She makes it sound miserable.

“Do you know what you’re having yet?”

Chrisette grins. “Guess.”

“Girl,” I say. Sasha guesses the same.

“With all the girls in my family you’d think so, but nope. We’re gonna have a little boy running around.”

“A mini Jesse.”

Sasha and Chrissy both laugh like I’m being mean, but I didn’t intend it any particular way. He’ll probably be a decent dad, actually. He seems to be most comfortable when he’s needed. Chrisette…I can’t really picture her that way. She always bragged about how she could avoid being stuck with her nieces and nephews at family events.