eBooks A Go Go

Everybody shut up right now. Shut up. I fucking did it. Thanks to a new "clean" "plant based" energy drink that a promoter gave me at a local music festival, I had both the focus and insomnia to finally edit* and publish some shit to Smashwords. Not normally an energy drink kind of guy, I was unprepared for the effects. It started with a cleanup of my files, finding multitudinous copies of things that I'd forgotten about or thought were lost, and then—was it the panax ginseng extract or the acesulfame potassium that sent my synapses firing?—a firm determination to fulfill my mission of getting all this shit out of my brain and onto Beyoncé's internet overtook me. I sat affixed to my laptop, only breaking concentration to take my old dog outside, and even then I plotted which tale to tackle next. 

Y'all should have never let me have access to apps like Canva. The book covers are getting worse and worse and I cackle with every new atrocity. Here are the latest abominations:

As always, my Smashwords author profile is here: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/WalkerCFields

So much of what I write is utter bullshit. You kind souls, ye who read my drivel, are the wind beneath my wings. (You and "proprietary plant-based energy blend.") That some of you stuck with me not just through the torture of Stay Away From Her, but the longwinded ramblings of Bunny and whatever the fuck Shouldn't was; it warms the cockles of my sour little heart. And your reward for such loyalty is…more bullshit! Now that I know where to find some of the real weird shit, it's getting thrown onto this blog.

My brain is on fire. Work is gonna suck so bad tomorrow. 

*"Edit" might be a strong term for "did a brief check for tense continuity." If you read one of these books and find an error, please email me at acerbicscribbler at gmail, because I can and will update them.

The Worst Days eBook

 I think I first published The Worst Days on Literotica in 2008 or so. Then I disappeared and so did all my stories, and if not for a faithful reader it would have stayed gone. For the record, I used to do that too, back when wifi was scarce. Sitting in the student union in France, feeling guilty that the firewall didn't pick up on English language erotica, copying stories I wanted to read at home into a document. Then I'd delete them and empty the trash, just in case a friend needed to borrow my laptop and stumbled across something I wasn't ready to share.

In retrospect, I don't know if I love the story of Tam and Fen as much as some of the dumbasses I've been writing about in more recent years. They're a product of my youthful hubris—reading overwrought gay erotica by women and plot-less gay erotica by men, and thinking I can do way better than this. Fen was practically flawless, while Tam was too naïve for his age and profession. There's a lot that I would have cut out now (dogs? Really, man?), but I do recall the kind, thoughtful feedback from readers who liked my first and only attempt at queer science fiction. So for the ebook I kept those people in mind, focusing on minor edits and keeping the original flavor intact.

All seven chapters are downloadable through many of your favorite ebook platforms, but the direct link is here: https://books2read.com/u/38NpYO

And I made more terrible cover art. It might be my worst work yet.

Windshield Incident Pt. 4 Published

It's here on Smashwords.

The part of the year when work swallows me is coming to a close, so I'm looking forward to finishing some of the abundant unfinished stories. The "Power Plays" story has a bunch more to it—I think I just like writing about idiots—and "Will" and "Olive Juice" are almost complete. Then it will be time, yea verily and forsooth, to dust off some of the brain breakers. When Andy's neighbor meets his parents…I managed to make it super boring the first couple of tries. But, godammit, that's got to get done because I promised someone a free copy once upon a time.

In the meantime, enjoy the end of Grant and Ryder's tale. Feel free to leave comments here; I miiiiiiiiiight have been drunk while I was proofreading it. Allegedly.

Windshield Incident 3 eBook Available

On the anniversary of Part 2, the 3rd installment of The Windshield Incident is now published and available for download. It's here on Smashwords, and will eventually show up on Apple, Kindle, Nook, and other partnered eBook retail sites. It's like buying me a quarter cup of coffee to keep me alert and typing.

Fun fact: The background colors correspond to Grant's mental and emotional state.
Guess what color Part 4 will be.

New Ebook: The Windshield Incident Pt. 2

It is now on Smashwords here. More shit happens to Grant, because he's the kind of guy to whom shit happens. Moreover, since the nature of Grant's weird relationship with the resident bad boy is sexual, shit that happens is fucking. Guaranteed.

FYI, all Smashwords prices are set according to word count. It tells you how hard I worked, and for every dollar Smashword receives I earn fifty cents. Someday I'll be able buy myself a cup of fancy coffee.

Another eBook Cover: Another Filler Post

Still just a'working away. Imagine, if I hadn't had a backlog of Bunny ready for the posting, just how empty this blog would be. Or don't and play the Guess Which Story! ebook cover guessing game instead. Your hint: this story is no longer available anywhere on the web.

Strange Bedfellows is steps away from being published. So to up the stakes, and since this isn't an easy cover to match, the prize for a correct guess will be a code for one-hundred-fucking-percent off the upcoming Strange Bedfellows ebook. It would be like just giving you five bucks, except you could only buy one very specific book with that money.

The Windshield Incident Pt. 1

Sometimes procrastination is the mother of productivity. Tucker Jones was born when I was in the middle of The Worst Days. The vitriolic pair in the My Neighbor series moved in between Bunny chapters 1 and 2. Most recently, as I struggle[d] to a) write the last part of the Strange Bedfellows collection that the aforementioned neighbor series became, and b) connect the plot points for Watching Him Back Ch. Billion I had a stroke of inspiration.

An eBook Cover: A Filler Post

I'll give you three guesses as to which story fits with which this [potential] ebook cover. Your hint is: It belongs to a finished story and is a complete softball, due to hair.

For funzies, the first person to guess correctly gets to chose what story gets posted/updated next. Let the filler games begin while I try to write something.

The Roommate Is Now an eBook

I had forgotten how close I was to finishing this short story until I was procrastinating on Strange Bedfellows. Now it's available as an ebook on Smashwords. There's a coupon at the end of it for anyone who doesn't have MMM already in their library.

If you've ever wondered, the hardest parts to write are the sex scenes. There are only so many ways I can describe two men fucking without it getting ridiculous. Strange Bedfellows will be out…in the middle of this month, as promised. Watching Him back will be finished…later. Sandalwood will show up…later.

By the way, for anyone who already downloaded MMM, there's now a coupon at the end [of the updated version] for forty percent off Lance Oliver Jordan, just to say thanks for reading. Despite my curmudgeonly ways, I really do appreciate you.

Strange Bedfellows in Progress

This is a preview of the new fourth section in Strange Bedfellows. The sections get longer as the relationship between the characters develops, but the early appeal of the first two chapters was in their "quick wank" nature—it was sex with a little bit of plot and character around the edges. Later sections were full of exposition and yammering and trying to avoid giving the hot neighbor a name. If I wrote this chapter right, this is a happy medium between the sexy sexy and the talkie talkie.

Upcoming eBook, Current Free eBook

I'm working on editing and formatting the My Neighbor series as an ebook entitled Strange Bedfellows. Included will be the four chapters (currently available on sites that you can't reach from behind a firewall), updated and edited, plus two stories that fell by the wayside back when that damn Bunny character started hogging my writing time. The first new part is set between the third and fourth chapters, when Andrew makes his first major blunder in the relationship. He's not the type to apologize with any semblance of sincerity, so that's going to be fun to write. In the second new installment Andrew is finally bullied into introducing his neighbor to his parents, which may prove to be the final straw for them both. There’s also fucking because that’s what you like.

The finished product will be somewhere around novella length, and will be available sometime in April. In the meantime, I put MMM: Man, Man, Motherfucker up on Smashwords just to test how the whole thing works. While I’m no artist, I do have a DIY spirit and so tried my hand at a couple of book covers.